Of Advice and Drunken Come-Ons.
Yeah, yeah, I don't blog enough... Bite me.
I figure I should open my own advice column... People seem to come to me for advice, regardless of the fact I know shit all about relationships or the fact that I've got bad taste in men... Whatever the case, I'm a great advice giver, even if I do say so myself... =P
So since I'm such a great agony aunt and I love you guys so much, here are some handy tips on how to deal with those agonising few months when you like someone but aren't sure of how to go about it...
Tip #1 : Make Sure He REALLY Likes You.
Don't ever EVER jump the gun... That's just embarrassing for you when at the end of everything he tells you he just 'wants to be friends'...
Tip #2 : Make Sure YOU Really Like HIM.
Ditto, except that it's embarrassing for him when right at the end of everything YOU have to tell him you just 'want to be friends'...
Tip #3 : Be Sober When Making Your Move.
Drunken 'Durrr... D'youwannagomakeout?'s don't count as opening lines to a meaningful relationship.
Tip #4 : Plan What You're Gonna Say.
'Hey, d'you think we could go out sometime?' = good... 'If I could rearrange the dictionary, I'd put U and I together!' = bad...
Tip #5 : Accept Rejection Gracefully.
Things don't always go according to plan, and sometimes even when everything seems to be going right, in the end he's just not that into you... Always prepare for the eventuality of something like this happening...
'Oh well... Friends it is then!' = good... 'But WHY?!' and breaking down into tears before leaving tearful messages on his voicemail every half an hour = bad...
Well then, with handy tips like these, you're bound to get lai... Uh... A meaningful relationship sooner or later... So go forth and prosper!
Did I hear you right? I thought you said to me 'Let's think this over'...